The Urban Meyer Interview

In the spirit of Orson's interview with Richt and The Fairness Doctrine, the Florida Gator Sports Information Department arranged* for a one on one interview with Urban Meyer.

He really broke out of his typical standard answers mold, and opened up to us**.

The Urban Meyer Interview

PWD: Coach, What has the been the key to your success at Florida?

Meyer: Alex Smith was a first round draft pick in our system. That's important to remember.

PWD: Huh?

Meyer: [Points and stares at the picture of Smith on draft day.]

PWD: When you look at your offensive line's progress what excites you the most?

Meyer: Tim Tebow plays with great heart. He understands our system, and he really maximizes his ability. He's everything we want Florida Gators to stand for.

PWD: Including circumcising people who aren't protected by standard American laws which frown upon surgery by unlicensed non-medical professionals?

Meyer: Filipino circumcisions are a bad deal. The Gator Nation will never forget the media attack on Tim from that mission trip. What Tim did for those orphans was really a magical gift. Urban Meyer has recently investigated having his own foreskin re-attached so that Tim can remove it again. It's something I would never forget.

PWD: I could really do without that visual.

Meyer: [Points and stares at his own lap.]

PWD: Ok. What happened in the Ole Miss loss?

Meyer: We have some players who haven't bought in. They're mostly 5th year seniors who were recruited by the prior coaching staff. Obviously, those young men are holding back all the righteous, workaholics that Urban Meyer brought to Gainesville.

PWD: Speaking of talent. How do you think your skill positions stack up to Georgia's?

Meyer: Herschel Walker was a good back for that team north of here, but he obviously lacks the speed of Chris Rainey.

PWD: I was thinking more along the lines of Knowshon Moreno, AJ Green and Matt Stafford.

Meyer: Tim Tebow. Tim Tebow. Tim Tebow.

PWD: Speaking of Rainey. He has had some colorful quotes in the press. Do any of his quotes make you uncomfortable?

Meyer: Urban Meyer is not ready to say that he's unhappy. Chris says that he likes white girls. Who doesn't? We teach discipline and commitment here at Florida. Chris made his decision in that area, and he's sticking with it. That's what the old guy teaches in Gainesville. He's not the only one who's glad he's Chris Rainey.

PWD: On the other side of the ball, has your pass defense really improved or have you simply not played a quality passing quarterback yet?

Meyer: We've played lots of quality quarterbacks. Obviously none of them were as good as Tim Tebow, who won a Heisman here, or Alex Smith, who I coached into a first round QB, but they've had the ability to throw the ball...places.

PWD: Has Tim Tebow reached his full potential?

Meyer: He's not going to like Urban Meyer saying this, but Louis Murphy can get a lot better. He is still learning how to play wide receiver. He can get a lot better.

PWD: But the question was about Tim Tebow.

Meyer: Tim has to work on his technique to minimize scarring and preserve the nerve endings for maximum sensation.

PWD: I meant as a quarterback. Will Tim be back for his senior year?

Meyer: The poor you will always have with you, and whenever you want you can do good for them. But you will not always have Tim Tebow.

PWD: That's unfortunate, because I thought he was the best four-loss quarterback in the country last year.

Meyer: Before the rooster crows, you will deny him twice more.

PWD: Do you plan to institute a assault gun ban for your team?

Meyer: Urban Meyer does not plan to curtail his players' Second Amendment right to "pop a late field goal with a 20-point lead in someone's ass," metaphorically speaking.

PWD: Thanks for your time, coach.

Meyer: Tim Tebow is NOT a system quarterback.


*No they didn't.
**Nope. That that either.